


siLent

by mintgreyashes



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Empath, Empathy, Gen, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18510133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintgreyashes/pseuds/mintgreyashes
Summary: "Once upon a time, a lonely boy wished..."-Tsuna is kind. Even he knows that much.Maybe that's why he is able to find it in himself to continue fighting on for his precious people-- even with a heart as jaded as his.Even if they never listen.Even when Tsuna knows that they will eventually ruin him.But even the kindest people have their limits.And it wasn't Tsuna's fault that they just never listened to him.-he is siLent because they never Listen.---• Empath! Tsuna• Trigger Warnings: Character Death, Angst, Suicide





	siLent

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Listen to Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7068262) by [Herperlo_D](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herperlo_D/pseuds/Herperlo_D). 



> Published this on wattpad on Christmas 2018, but never really got to posting it,, until now :P  
> -  
> inspired by Asphodels by PinkPaperCrane and Listen to me by Herperlo_D

  
Tsuna is young and eight, a mere child, when he realises just how cruel the world can be.

 

He realises the power of words.

  
The pain of being laughed at.

The fear of being targetted by others.

The fact that people will never listen to you, or to what you want. Not if you are as small and useless and weak as Tsuna.

And it hurts, of course it does.

But what could someone like Tsuna do?

The world is never fair.

And Tsuna learns to keep his thoughts to himself.

Well, it's not like anyone wants to hear him anyway.

_____

 

When he first meets Reborn and hears of his heritage, and what he is to inherit— Tsuna doesn't want it. 

 

"I don't want to be a mafia boss!" He screeches, already horrified at the idea of being plunged into the world of darkness.

 

To find someone like _Dame-Tsuna_ to be the next heir, were they really that desperate?

 

Tsuna doesn't want the power, or the leadership.

 

Because Tsuna is weak, and he knows that he will only break and break and break until nothing of him is left if he were to take up the mantle.

 

But then, if the world isn't fair, 

 

And if the world never listens,

 

Then why should Reborn?

 

The hitman merely snorts and shoots a bullet which grazes past the brunet's hair, and Tsuna lets out a shrill shriek, just as Reborn says, "You don't have a say in this, Dame-Tsuna. Life is never fair."

 

And Tsuna knows this much, his mind flashes back to the cold words of his tormentors and his constant pleadings for them to just _stop_ and _-_

 

"I know." He whispers, but Reborn is already out of the room, unable to hear his quiet words.

 

_____  
               

 

After Tsuna first saves Hayato, he finds himself both flattered and overwhelmed at the silveret's high expectations of him.

  
He claims Tsuna to be strong.

Worthy.

A great leader.

A saint.

And so when he asks to be Tsuna's subordinate, Tsuna smiles and nods. He understands, because that's what Hayato calls a friend.

He swallows down his own insecurities, and tries to be half the person Hayato thinks he is.

He hopes that he's not failing entirely.

_____

 

Tsuna's thoughts echo in his head over and over again.

He practises the words in his head once, twice and thrice, and hopes that maybe, just maybe, even someone as useless as he deserved to be heard. Deserved to have someone to just _listen._

And then he looks Hayato in the eyes, and with the most resolve he manages to muster, declares determinedly, "G-Gokudera-kun, I don't want to be a mafia boss!"

And in that moment, Tsuna thinks he sees everything go downhill, all with one simple reassurance:

"No worries, Tenth! I'll be with you all the way!" Gokudera misunderstands, and Tsuna feels his hopes get crushed.

He is ignored.

So, Tsuna deflates, but he smiles nonetheless. "Ah... Thanks, Gokudera-kun."

There is a bitter gleam of disappointment in caramel orbs.

But Tsuna still hopes.

___

Takeshi wants to die, and Tsuna gets angry at this because _why_?

Why on earth did he want to die, and what for?

People _listened_ to him, _talked_ to him.

Takeshi wasn't useless. Not like Dame-Tsuna.

But then Tsuna hears the pain in the raven's words—

_"After the baseball gods threw me away, I have nothing left."_

—and Tsuna sees that gleam in his eyes, bitter at the world.

He understands.

Because Tsuna, no matter how Dame or useless or weak, is kind.

He realises that Yamamoto Takeshi is lonely in his own way.

That despite being surrounded by people, he is so lonely and nobody ever listens to what Takeshi wants.

He is like Tsuna.

And yet he is not.

But Tsuna understands him regardless.

So he chooses to reach out.

And in return, Takeshi actually— _someone for the first time_ — actually _listens_ to him.

And Tsuna is _happy_ beyond relief. Because for the first time in years he is more than a dame and his words have finally left a mark in someone's life.

___

"Yamamoto?"

His voice is steady, and unknowingly, his eyes bleed into amber.

Takeshi blinks, and grins widely with a smile more real than the ones Tsuna has ever seen him flash his classmates.

"Haha, what's wrong, Tsuna?" He says this in a light-hearted tone, though his eyes speak a different story.

It is protective and warm and Takeshi looks at Tsuna like he is a king, or maybe even the god himself.

Tsuna feels a burst of warmth.

_h_ _e cares he cares he cares_ _—_

For the first time, someone is actually _listening_ to him.

And Tsuna...

"...What if I don't want to play this mafia game anymore?"

He speaks his mind.

Waits and sees Takeshi process his words.

Tsuna's heart beats away, and he swallows, anticipating the other's reply.

But all of a sudden, the raven bursts out into carefree laughter as he swings an arm over Tsuna.

"Oh? Don't worry, Tsuna! It'll be fun!"

"But-"

"Haha, I'll protect you if anything goes wrong, promise! Don't stress over it~"

_Ah..._

There is overwhelming urge to scream, along with the epiphany that suddenly pops into his head, almost mockingly.

He wants to yell at Takeshi that _no, he doesn't want to play this gam_ _e._

He wants to shout at Hayato that _he doesn't need him to protect him. He just wants someone to listen to him--_

But instead, he smiles. "Of course, Yamamoto." And continues on with his homework that he is trying to make sense of.

It seems that he has gotten ahead of himself.

Because no matter how much _Tsuna_ understand Takeshi, _Takeshi_ doesn't understand Tsuna.

It is like a punch in the gut, but Tsuna doesn't mind.

It still hurts, of course.

But Tsuna's used to it.

Used to the pain.

Used to the rejection.

Used to being ignored.

But if he is a little quieter than usual, no one can blame him.

___

 

Tsuna realises it a long time ago.

 

If you want to be heard,

 

If you want someone to listen to what you have to say,

 

You have to be _loud._

 

You have to explode.

 

Scream your feelings out to the world.

 

You have to be strong.

 

Less weak.

 

Less useless.

 

And you _will_ have to hurt someone.

 

But of course, Tsuna is Tsuna.

 

Dame.

 

Weak.

 

Useless.

 

But Tsuna is also kind.

 

So, so, so painfully kind.

 

He doesn't want people to hurt.

 

He doesn't want to hurt others.

 

And so, there is a price to pay.

 

Because the world is cruel.

 

And life isn't fair.

 

And Tsunayoshi's kindness has given him a price he has to pay.

 

The punishment of _silence._

 

_____

 

Tsuna does not feel comfortable with Sasagawa Ryohei, right from the start.

 

The boxer being all the things he _isn't._

Loud.

 

Demanding.

 

Energetic.

 

Never listening.

 

He was the polor opposite of Tsuna.

 

But as Tsuna starts to get to know Ryohei, he realises that there is a side of him that Tsuna hasn't really seen.

 

An endearing side; one that is a fierce protector and only wants the best for his siblings.

 

And while Ryohei still doesn't listen well, he tries, Tsuna can tell, and he brightens up Tsuna's own world for a few moments with his energy.

 

So Sasagawa Ryohei is the Sun.

 

And just for a moment, Tsuna allows himself to be blinded by the rays.

 

And allows his self-doubt and insecurities melt away and become muted.

 

Just for a moment.

 

Just a little while.

 

The peace is calming.

 

And Tsuna grows to like his Onii-san.

 

He realises he listens in a different way.

 

Onii-san promises a lot. And that is how he shows that he hears and listen.

 

But it still isn't enough to hear the cracking of his heart and the tiny concerto in his head whispers and begs, _please listen. Please listen to my weary voice, and to what I have to say._

 

_______

 

The first time Lambo appears, he promptly ignores Tsuna, choosing to focus on the bigger threat in the room— Reborn.

  
But Tsuna does not mind.

Because he is a child, and children are meant to be loud, are meant to have fun.

They are not meant to listen, or comfort or have to deal with someone else's problems.

Tsuna doesn't mind that Lambo is loud, or rude, or maybe even a tad bit obnoxious— he treats Lambo kindly, just like how he would treat any other child.

Tsuna also knows that Lambo is more perceptive than he seems. And yet, he is still a child, unburdened and loud and-—

...He is the child that Tsuna _wishes_ he could be.

But then, the ten year bazooka comes out to play.

And beneath the ear-piercing screeches and the confusion of how exactly the bazooka worked, Tsuna fears.

Because this Lambo is unfamiliar.

This Lambo is calm and seemingly-proud and strong and uncaring and—

This Lambo promptly bursts into tears when Reborn easily defeats him.

Tsuna relaxs.

It seems that ten years had not changed Lambo much.

And Tsuna is relieved.

There is still innocence glimmering in emerald orbs, and Lambo is safe, away from the darkness and from the pain and Tsuna wants to protect that look forever.

_____

A few nights after Lambo's initial arrival, Lambo takes it upon himself to jump into Tsuna's arms in the middle of the night.

Tsuna hears quiet sniffles from the boy, and smiles gently, "A nightmare, Lambo?"

Lambo responds by sniffling louder and Tsuna can only sigh, readjusting himself to better fit the tiny boy in his arms.

He is aware of another's eyes on him, dark and shadowed, watching the two's every move.

But Tsuna doesn't mind.

Reborn can watch them all he wants.

Instead, he shifts his focus to Lambo, who under the glow of moonlight, looks smaller and more vulnerable than usual.

"Lambo," Tsuna whispers gently, and in the dark of the night, his words are warm and comforting, like Tsuna had the ability to make everything alright again.

Lambo glances up, snot dripping from his nose as teary green eyes lock with caramel ones.

Tsuna gives the little boy a comforting pat on the head. "Do you want me to tell you a story?"

The child blinks.

"You aren't going to make me tell you about— _?"_ Lambo shudders, shoulders tensing as he avoids the word altogether.

"Nope." The brunet's eyes soften, and he smiles that kind, gentle smile that the little boy loves so much. "You can tell me when you're ready, Lambo. I won't push you to."

Lambo hesitates, but eventually nods.

"Your story! Lambo demands you to tell it!"

Tsuna smiles once more, one that makes Lambo feel _safe,_ and shifts the boy into a more comfortable position.

He begins his tale.

And it begins with birds that swim beneath the sea, of fishes that ate sundrops from the rays of the sun.

And Tsuna speaks of a boy with a heart far too big for his body.

And of the little boy's wish.

Tsuna speaks and speaks and speaks till the moon is high in the sky— of the lonely boy who wished to die.

Of a boy who sought comfort in those tiny, twinkling lights in the night sky.

He speaks of a boy, who is so lonely and afraid and just wishes that someone would _listen_ and hear his heart's cries. A boy that regrets.

He speaks of a boy who could do nothing but weep, and of a boy whose tears created puddles and rivers and eventually oceans.

He speaks of a boy who just wants to _live._ A boy who just wants a friend.

And when Lambo finally, finally falls asleep, Tsunayoshi reaches the end of the story.

Dark eyes continue to watch him, somber and cool. "What happened to the boy in the end, Dame-Tsuna?"

Tsuna doesn't give an answer.

 

_____

 

_Once upon a time there was_ _a boy with a heart as vast as the ocean, and a kindness as eternal as the sky._

 

_The boy was kind._

 

_As_ _was he lonely._

 

_And so the little boy could only_ _weep and weep and weep as the days ran on and he was still lonely and sad and kind, kind, kind._

_all he wanted—_

 

_And as he cried out,_ _his tears became puddles._

 

_Which became a_ _river._

 

_Which became a_ _ocean._

 

_The little boy could do nothing but watch and continue to wish as his tears flowed on and on and on._

 

_And eventually, his tears ran out_ _, having become the ocean itself._

 

_And the little_ _boy drowned._

 

_Alone._

 

_Forever._

 

________

 

Tsuna fears Hibari Kyoya.

 

Who didn't, to be honest?

 

Pain and Hibari practically came hand-in-hand. One simply did not exist without the other.

 

And although Tsuna was no stranger to pain, the demon-prefect brought about a different kind of pain and hurt and weakness and that bitter feeling of just how _useless_ Tsuna was.

 

_"Hie! Hibari-san, please don't bite me to death! Please!"_

 

Tsuna feels the strain in his words, and suddenly, he swallows.

His mask of indifference falling for just a moment.

 

And Hibari pauses for a moment, just a second.

 

Tsuna hopes.

 

Prays.

 

He wants someone to listen.

 

And maybe, just maybe— with all his eccentric quirks, Hibari Kyoya would be able to see past his lies and words and facade and—

 

The skylark lets out a particularly bloodthirsty smirk, _"I will bite you to death!"_

 

Ah.

 

He had gotten ahead of himself again, hadn't he? 

 

_____

 

Anger.

 

_w_ _hitehotblindingscalding--_

 

It is all Tsuna can feel when he first faces this _vile_ person called Mukuro Rokudo.

 

Negativity engulfs him.

 

And Tsuna cannot hear.

 

Cannot _listen._

 

All he can hear is the roaring of his own blood and the fury that surges as Mukuro hurts and hurts and hurts his friends—

 

He is so painfully _angry_ _—_

 

_(The concerto in his heart cresendos into a need to protect and hurthurthurthurt—)_

 

And then his yellow ocher eyes meet with sorrowful hetrochromatic ones.

 

Tsuna feels something hit his gut swiftly and painfully.

 

**_ithurtsithurrsithurtssomuch_**  
**_whydidtheydoit?_**

 

**_imsorryimsorryimsososorry_**  
**_pleasedont_**

 

**_pleasepleasepleasepleasedonthurtme_**  
**_illbegood_**  
**_ihadtoihadtoihadto_**

 

**_theyhurtthem_**  
**_theyhurtmyfriends_**

 

Beneath the smirks and arrogant taunts; they lay a boy.

Broken.

 

And hurt.

_B_ _etrayed._

 

And Tsuna's head rings and rings and rings as he chokes and swallows down a dry heave in disgust.

 

_Oh god._

 

_Oh god oh god oh god_ _—_

 

He swallows again, and feels nothing but bitterness sting at him.

 

_How could I?_

 

He is mad. 

 

So, so, so painfully angry.

 

Not at Ken.

 

Not at Chikusa.

 

Not at M.M.

 

Not at Lancia.

 

Not even at Mukuro.

 

Tsunayoshi is mad at himself.

 

For having forgotten to _listen._

 

The Rebuke Bullet seems to chip away at _something_ , and all of a sudden, Tsuna _remembers._

 

It eats at him, as his ears clear and his heart is humming once again, calm— but it is already far too late.

 

Tsuna sees the pain and hurt and betrayal in red and blue eyes too late. He sees the broken and lost boy too late. He sees the protectiveness Mukuro has for his _friends_ too late and vice-versa.

 

_I'm sorry._

 

_I am so, so sorry._

 

He finally hears.

 

Mukuro's heart is _loud,_ but it is _so, so, so sad._

 

_It cries and cries and cries_  
_Hoping that someday_ _,_

 

_He will finally be safe._

 

And as Tsuna tries to reach out.

 

His heart weeps in pain.

 

_useless tsuna._

 

_dame tsuna._

 

_selfish tsuna._

 

_how could you have forgotten to listen?_

 

It is too late.

 

The Vindice had arrived.

 

And Mukuro is gone.

 

______

 

That night, he stares out of his bedroom window and reaches out to grasp at those beautiful tiny stars.

 

They are so, so, so far away.

 

His heart tugs painfully.

 

He _remembers._

 

_He remembers everything that had been missing from him. Taken away with a single flame to his forehead and_ _—_

 

He ignores the repressed memories that return.

 

Tsuna can be selfish later.

  
And Tsuna has to hold on a little longer.

 

He has things to do.

 

He still has regrets.

 

He cannot leave yet.

 

And his eyes glow amber as he cups his hands together and _promises._

 

_"Never again._

 

_I promise I will never forget ever again."_

 

The stars in the sky continue to shimmer.

 

Tsuna wonders briefly whether he is still regretting enough for the stars to not take him away just yet.

 

_______

 

_(gentle and shaking hands reach out to grasp at the sky, as a little boy no older than seven smiles and closes his eyes._

 

_he is tired._

 

_'i wish to die.'_

 

_he opens his eyes._

 

_his mother calls._

 

_and he gives a final smile to the stars, before running off to greet his mother._ _)_

 

________

  
When the Varia arrives and demands that Tsuna hand over the ring, that he is not fit to lead Vongola, Tsuna almost wants to burst into hysteric tears right then and there.

Since when had Tsuna even wanted the throne?

Tsuna hadn't even wanted to tread into this deep, dark and bloody mafia world.

And yet, here he was.

Training to be the soon-to-be don of the Vongola family.

Fighting in this stupid ring conflict for a familgia that Tsuna didn't even _want._

Because the world isn't fair.

And the world loves to mess with Tsuna.

And no one ever listens.

_"I don't... want to be a mafia boss."_

He fights anyway because nobody cares about his whines and he just has to suck it up and push, push, push his body to its limits during training.

_____

When Nono is revealed to be in the Mosca, Tsuna cannot bring himself to feel anything other than the initial surprise and the feeling of _bitterness._

_This is what the mafia is._

_This is what I am going to inherit._

The ninth places a single flame on Tsuna's forehead, memories flood his mind and Tsuna can only recoil in shock.

The missing bits of his repressed memory comes back.

He remembers being sealed.

He remembers how his ability to _listen_ had been taken away.

He remembers hearing Nono's old and cracked heart, _weary_ as he chants out apologies and broken promises over and over again.

_**imsorryimsorryimsorry** _

_**ineverwantedthis** _

_**iwantedyoutoleadalifefreeofbloodandbetrayalanddeath--** _

_**butxanxuscannotwin** _

_**pleasepleasepleaseplease** _

_**stop him.** _

Tsuna cannot help the tears that slip down his head.

He just wants to be done.

He just wants to wash his hands off the blood of the stained mafia world.

But if anything,

Tsuna is kind.

He is so, so, so kind.

He feels his flames, after a decade long of being dormant, stir once more.

And with it, comes a determination he didn't even know he had.

"I will not allow you to follow in the Ninth's footsteps." He promises, eyes narrowing with resolve as his wish flashes in his mind.

______

_(With his brows always furrowed and fists swung as if in prayer, that is Vongola Decimo.)_

______

Tsuna is selfish.

That is why he fights Xanxus.

He knows he will regret if he doesn't follow through with his promise.

And if he continues to regret, then there's a chance his wish will be ignored.

 

Because Tsuna still wants to _live._

 

_______

 

_He sniffles, bruised and bloody as he reaches out a hand to grasp at those beautiful stars._

 

_"Hey..._

 

_My wish..._

 

_Can I take it back?_

 

_I don't want to die._

 

_I just want..._

 

_A friend that will be there for me. That will listen. Always._

 

_I don't... want to die."_

 

_______

 


End file.
